Live.Laugh.Love

2012-01-12T13:39:00.000-08:00

I recently took photos for one of my coworker's band at the Iron Horse Hotel - they turned out half way decent. I'm pretty happy with them.

I'm always happy to be at the Iron Horse Hotel - I don't know why I love it so much but I just love it. I can't wait to have my wedding reception there.

books

2011-10-19T18:27:00.001-07:00

I've been on a reading kick - it's nice to curl up under thick blankets with a good book, especially on a cold Wisconsin day like this. All I need is a cup of hot chocolate :)

I somehow find myself ever so slowly losing interest in photography. I don't know what it is but that desire seems to have faded - thank goodness I never went into the field for life. I am finding myself having a lot more fun building relationships, laughing, and not always spending it behind a camera lens capturing moments of other people having fun. Maybe someday that passion will come back to me....

Just an FYI - I just started reading "The Help" and it's amazing. Started reading "The Book of Tomorrow" and couldn't even finish the first chapter - not the best book ever. Maybe I need to get past the first chapter.

wedding nightmares

2011-08-23T02:40:00.000-07:00

I keep on having wedding nightmares. In my dreams, here is a list of things that went wrong:

Stephen took off his suit and didn't think anything was wrong with it
I was wearing bright yellow socks and I couldn't find the correct shoes to go with the wedding dress
The photographer absolutely sucked - had no good ideas, very disorganized
When I wanted photographs taken, no one was there to help me - not even the photographer
I didn't have any flowers - one of my friends had to go buy me some from Pick N Save
I somehow ended up at a random store by myself and I wandered around with no idea where everyone was and thoroughly confused on by I was there.
Somehow - none of the bridesmaids and grooms men were there. And for some reason, the only person that was really around was the Best Man. Even the groom was missing in action
People were still trying to figure out what their jobs were right before the ceremony was supposed to start - and the wedding ceremony wasn't even where I plan on having it!

UGH - I don't want any more nightmares!

wedding planning

2011-07-10T18:55:00.001-07:00

i'm just going to put it out there....

.....i hate wedding planning.

Impact

2011-05-17T18:42:00.001-07:00

So last week - the young adults group that I was going to (on and off) ended. It was a place that I met a lot of my friends that I have now. When I got out of school, it was hard to meet new friends and the young adults group at Elmbrook Church met that need as well as helping my grow in my faith. Without that, I don't know where I would be today. It's just sad that now it's over.....I have to go look for something else.

Jealousy

2011-05-04T17:11:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I get jealous when I see other people doing something that I enjoy doing better than I do - photography.

People always say I should go into photography - which several years ago, I took seriously because I thought it would be a career that I would go down. But as I continue work in the social work field, I don't know if I could do photography full time...

.....But I still get jealous that other people are better photographers than me.

boy

2011-03-02T16:25:00.000-08:00

03/02/11 - dating for one year :-)

new job

2011-02-27T19:40:00.001-08:00

I think I got lucky when I got an interview with a company that the organization I used to work for ended their contract with and I was told within an hour of my interview that I got the job. The interview wasn't an interview - it was more of a formality and it only lasted about 15 minutes. I am looking forward to the job because it will be with some of the people I used to work with and we get along well. YAY!

Life

2011-02-13T20:18:00.000-08:00

I have always dreamed about moving to New York City but it's never happened. I always resort to just visiting the city. I sometimes randomly apply to jobs in New York City even though I have next to no chance of ever getting a call back for an interview. I still dream. Someday.

It's frustrating when I start a new job all excited and then five months later, am told that I have to look for a new job. Long story short, the department has 2 contracts with 2 different organizations to provide case management. When I was hired, I would be doing case management and I was excited because there was more stability and the possibility for advancement. But....5 months later, the department was told that the contract would not be continued and we would have to look for a new job due to the contract ending on 03/01/11. The good thing that came out of it is that they offered us different positions in the company until another case management job would open up but I'm not sure if that would be a good fit for me. The decisions I have to make - stay with the company or continue to look for a new job. Joy! I wish I could just find a job where I can stay at for a couple years instead of changing jobs every year.

This weekend, I just got done photographing a swing dance event in Milwaukee. Let's just say, taking photographs of dancers, especially swing dancers, is a pain in the rear. They are always moving and once you think you got an amazing shot set up- you run the chance of an unsuspecting dancer dancing in front of the camera, totally ruining the shot. (If you're not aware, swing dancing is a social dance so there are a lot of people/couples dancing on the floor which makes a photographers life difficult at times). But when I do get a great shot, it totally makes my day - even if my hand gets sore by the end of the weekend. Now I have to go edit these pictures - yippee!!

2011

2011-01-02T10:48:00.000-08:00

It's funny how things change so much in a year that I'm not sure what 2011 holds - although I am looking forward to all it's adventures.

I know in college, I was always the girl with the camera, taking pictures and capturing memories for people. But since graduating from college, photography hasn't been the main priority on my list. I know that I've always wanted to go do photojournalism or be some amazing photographer but as the years go on, I've noticed my love for photography wane just a little bit. It's not as exciting anymore to pick up the camera to take pictures although I'll do it still from time to time. As much as photography doesn't really rank high on my list of things I really want to pursue with passion, I still get jealous when I see people's photographs and they are better than mine (although my boyfriend then reminds me that I don't like doing portraits which is true...but still)

I found a boyfriend which I never thought would happen. It's been such a trip and I look forward to what the future holds for us.

Job has been going well in the social work field. There are always bad days and good days but it's those days when you have clients who think you are the greatest that always reminds me why I went into the social work field instead of sticking with accounting. I always have had a heart to help people although sometimes I wish I was as active with working other people in raising awareness for the injustices that happen in the world.

There is so much I could be doing to help the world but I guess working towards helping others in the world starts with one step at a time.

Christmas 2010

2010-12-26T08:22:00.000-08:00

The holidays have been interesting this year because I have to figure out how to spend time with both families - but we made it work.

On Christmas Eve, we spent time with my family. We did the traditional Chinese Hot Pot. It's kind of like the Asian Hot Pot - it was good.

On Christmas, we spent time with Steve's family. It is always a fun time. Lots of laughs, good food and of course the alcohol flowed.

Rough

2010-12-17T16:23:00.000-08:00

It has been a rough week a work. There has been a lot of fires that I've had to try to put out or control - it sucks. I can't be super women.

Although, a good thing happened today though (yay for Random Acts of Kindness). I went to Alterra to get some lunch and I had gotten my card out to pay for my food. The cashier informed me that the person before me had a gift card and the gift card had some money left it and that person had told the cashier to let the next person in line use the rest of the money on the card. So I got my lunch for free. Sweet!!

It made my week a little better

i wish

2010-12-01T20:25:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had those periods in your life when you compare yourself to others and wish you could be more like then?

Take for instance my friends who are extremely pretty and could get picked up seriously anywhere they go, even in the gym. I sit and wonder, what makes them so attractive that guys just flock over them? They are pretty, say all the right things...I don't know. Makes you wonder, what is wrong with me that I resort to the internet to find guys to met?

I don't know - there are so many things I wish I could be better that it gets the best of me and jealous plays a part, which is not a good thing.

Sometimes I wish I could be someone else for a day.

Jealousy

2010-10-16T20:09:00.000-07:00

I shouldn't be jealous - but I am.

I see people who are good at what they good. I should be happy for people but I get a twinge of jealousy.

Why you ask? Because I wish it was me.

I am human. I get jealous. I wish it was me.

Dog Day Afternoon

2010-10-12T16:15:00.000-07:00

Bay View Bash

2010-10-07T18:21:00.000-07:00

Curative Care Network

2010-09-01T14:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had an interview at Curative Care Network as a Family Care Case Manager. I didn't really think I had a chance because I was 5 minutes late but it was because I got lost in the building.

Low and behold - probably a little less than 24 hours later - I get a call today letting me know that they will be offering me the position.

I will be coordinating independent living services and activities, managing and monitoring quality services and facilitating contacts with determined service providers within Milwaukee County and I will have a load of 40-50 clients.

I am super excited because I will be working with one of my really good friends who was my mentor in college, with another gal I went to school with as well as a friend I met through swing dancing - and they are all in the same department I will be in.

As much as I hate having to leave the position I am at because I really like the people I work with, I think I just need to do this for me.

So we'll see how this goes :-)

....where should I go?

2010-08-08T17:28:00.000-07:00

As I sit here on a Sunday night plugging away at homework and trying to find a new job, my mind is just going 1000 miles a minute.

I am always dreaming about New York City - that city has never left my head since I went there by myself for Spring Break in 2006 for a week. I've always had a love for that city even though it is expensive out there and I definitely went into a field that doesn't pay a whole lot. I've always wanted to move out there and work - even if it's for a year max. But the only reason I haven't done anything is because of money - if I had the money, I could have gone out there already.

Who knows...

RockerBox 2010

2010-08-07T22:00:00.000-07:00

Girl's Night

2010-08-02T14:47:00.000-07:00

Carrie's Bachelorette Party

2010-07-27T04:32:00.001-07:00

I went to a Bachelorette Party on Saturday for a wedding I'm in and it was tons of fun. We went to Trinity's Irish Pub for dinner which was really good. We went to Lucille's Rockin' Piano afterwards and we were the best bachelorette party there. We were singing along, dancing along - the people on stage said we were the coolest bachelorette party there - SWEET!

Water Frolics Car Show

2010-07-13T04:35:00.000-07:00

Sadness

2010-07-10T05:42:00.000-07:00

Lately, I feel like I'm in a funk especially with my friends. Or maybe it's just some kind of sadness I see from the facebook status's what people are doing with friends that I know and that I'm being excluded from it.

I know that I moved to Bay View and I absolutely love it - but it is definitely further away from what my life was in the New Berlin/Brookfield/Waukesha area. I am completely in a different county, probably a least a good 15-20 minute (minimum) drive from friends. I know partially it's my fault because I'm not keeping in touch with people like I should but isn't a friendship a 2 way street?

Maybe I'm just having issues balancing work, school, having a social life and a boyfriend.

Broken Relationships

2010-06-27T19:22:00.001-07:00

I don't like it when my friends are hurting from their relationships falling apart. It makes me sad. I wish I could do something to help them but I all can do is pray for them and just listen to them pour out their hearts.

Door County

2010-06-12T23:00:00.000-07:00

Interesting

2010-06-01T09:14:00.000-07:00

So people I know have told me this about me that I really never thought about:

That I may be a slight fear of commitment due to the fact that I have met like 75% of the people in my boy's life but he has met really little of the people important in my life. I was apparently told that it is probably because I have this fear that if I introduce him, that it'll become serious, that people will like him and that he'll actually stick around because he likes me. I think that's true but I never attached a label to it.

I am brash - definition being lacking restraint and discernment, uninhibitedly energetic or demonstrative, and done in haste without regard for consequences - which I find interesting. I never really put a label on how I really am. But I guess I have kind of stop putting a filter on what comes out of my mouth and sometimes I say things that are in my brain and I don't bother saying those things nicely. I guess that's what happens when I work in the social work field and I kind of have to not sugar coat things. I'm sure it has turned some people off and why people don't really want to talk to me or hang out with me but I guess it doesn't really matter and doesn't really phase me much.

I am an emotional tattooer - which I never thought of either but you could say that I am. One of the tattoos I got was 3 days after I dumped a guy but I had my eye on the design for a while. Another tattoo, I got it like a week after a guy stood me up on a date and had a lame excuse for standing me up. Over the process of a few months, I've gotten 2 bigger pieces done and it's been when I have been on a lot of dates with guys but none of them making it past the first date.

I think there is something wrong with me.

Dance Burn Out?

2010-05-27T22:24:00.000-07:00

So I went swing dancing tonight - which for me is a good thing because it's been a while since I've gone dancing. Why you ask? It's because I felt burnt out. I was going 3 times a week but then it went down to 2 times a week. Before you know it, I wasn't going at all. It wasn't because I didn't like to swing dance - I really do like it but I just felt like I wasn't going anywhere with all the dancing I was doing - I felt burnt out. But then someone pointed out that I was good a swing dancing but didn't have the passion for it. That made me think about why I do it - it's more so that I can do it if I see a group of people doing it, I can just jump in and dance a bit if I'm in the mood. I just want to know enough to be able to show off a bit but I really have no desire to go to 20 bazillion dance weekend workshops to improve my skill level. I have no desire to go to week long camps to learn how to do one move correctly and be able to do a whole ton of variations of it. I have no desire to enter swing dance competitions and win some big swing dance competition. I just want to have a little bit of fun here and there. Is that such a bad thing?

The Boy

2010-05-26T16:08:00.001-07:00

So on 06/02, it will have been 3 months since I started dating this boy and I haven't wanted to leave the relationship yet - which is pretty good for me since I think I have a tendency to not want to be in a relationship due to the fear of commitment, wanting my own life, etc. Then again I think the last time I dated someone, it left a bad taste in my mouth which led to me not dating for like 6 - 7 years (which people think is crazy and they can't understand why I never had a relationship in that time).

But I don't know, something is different about this relationship. I don't feel like I have to try to impress him because he likes me for who I am - quirks and all. I feel like I can hold a conversation with him and tell him how I feel about things that are going on and he'll listen to what I have to say. He asks me what my opinion about things before he makes a decision that may affect the both of us. He treats me like a princess and gives me lots of hugs.

*Shrug* Who knows where this relationship is going....but I like it.

Tired

2010-05-13T15:01:00.001-07:00

Last week I didn't sleep well at all and I was extremely tired during the day.

This week, I'm sleeping extremely well at night but I am still extremely tired.

What is up with that?

Chicago

2010-05-08T22:00:00.000-07:00

Summer Palace

2010-04-14T17:02:00.000-07:00

Test Driving Trucks

2010-03-21T14:28:00.000-07:00

So as of late - a certain boy took me to go test drive trucks. It all started because I had mentioned in passing that it would be fun to test drive different vehicles - but then he pulled into a dealership and had me test drive a truck or 2. Then we took a couple hours another day to test drive a lot of other trucks.

I ended up test driving these vehicles: Ford F150. Toyota Tundra. Nissan Titan. Dodge Ram. Jeep Wrangler. Honda Ridgeline. Chevy Silverado. Chevy Avalanche.

I can tell you right now I am meant to drive a truck - I absolutely loved it. The power of those vehicles, being higher up off the ground - amazing!

Someday :-)

It's Hard For Me....

2010-03-18T13:52:00.001-07:00

It's hard for me to believe that I can have it all - the relationship, career, social life and friends.

Swing Dance Addict

2010-02-19T13:57:00.001-08:00

Last night my knee was killing me and it still hurts today. I was seriously walking around with a slight limp - it was kind of pathetic.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I go to the gym to do Boot Camp because otherwise I won't go to the gym to work out even though I pay $58 a month for it. Anyways, since I have a bad left knee - it hurt majorly yesterday after gym but even more after swing dancing.

On Thursdays, I go swing dancing at the Bay View Brewhaus. Last night, I got in so many dances it was great. There was probably a good 30 minute span when I didn't leave the dance floor - it was once after another and it was amazing. I think it was the first time that I had so many dances in a row where mostly people were asking me to dance. I absolutely loved it!

Why do I love swing dancing you ask? I guess after getting back into it a few years after college and having taken a 2 hour class on a weekly basis since mid-October, I've gotten better at swing dancing. I am more confident in my skills and have developed some style. It's becoming more fun when I dance with people I don't know and they tell me that I'm good at dancing. I think I do it is because another way for me to become creative without a camera. I need to be creative - otherwise life would be pretty dull.

Stevens Point Photography

2010-02-13T13:34:00.000-08:00

I went to Stevens Point for the weekend (well Friday & Saturday) to do photography for some of my best friends who are having their first child. I am really excited for them and for their new addition to their family.

Friends

2010-02-12T13:41:00.000-08:00

It sometimes saddens me that something that could have been talked about and worked through is being swept under the rug and not talked about. I wish that people would just sit down and be honest with each other to work through issues because it life so much easier for everyone and people will actually be happier in the long run. I sometimes wish I could go back in time, back to the days when there was a lot less drama and where the group of friends from the Fischer dorms were really tight friends. Maybe someday, things will get back to where they used to be.

Weddings

2010-02-06T15:05:00.000-08:00

3 weddings to go to in a span of 4 weeks in August/September. I am looking forward to it but yet I'm not. Then again it's not as bad as going to 2 weddings in one day (which I did once and never will I do it ever again)

Asian Fetish Bipolar?

2010-01-26T06:01:00.000-08:00

So I had a guy ask me to go out on a date with him but then proceeded to tell me that had an Asian fetish, was bi-polar (and not on medication) and didn't have a car. No Thank You! I kicked him out of my world so fast he didn't know what hit him.

Oh - did I mention that some random person told me that I'm a valuable person and that whatever guy that gets me would be very lucky and very happy? Cool :-)

01.08.10 Hetzel Wedding

2010-01-09T21:25:00.000-08:00

Can't Wait

2009-12-27T17:07:00.000-08:00

I can't wait until 01/08/10 - that's when Tim Hetzel & Jessie are getting married. I can't wait because I get to see my little brother get married. Yeah I know we're not blood related and all but he's the closest thing I have to a brother and I've known him since he was a freshman in college. I am excited to see Tim Hess & Charys because they are finally pregnant and I am just dying to see the baby bump.

I am just dying to party - and do some photography too!

Only 2 more weeks!

Aww!!

2009-12-11T13:44:00.000-08:00

So I went to the Wisconsin Humane Society with the intention of just getting one kitten but I ended up walking out with two. Why you ask? The one that I wanted (the gray one) had a buddy (the black one) and they looked so darn cute together - so I got both because I couldn't bear separating them. They are just so cute!

Moving

2009-12-03T15:15:00.000-08:00

So I am moving on Saturday 12/05 - which will be the second time this year to my 3rd place of residence. I know that is kind of crazy but I think this is a good move for me because I'm going to move to Bay View. It's cool because it's really close to downtown Milwaukee, which will be great for me since I am downtown since I am there about 4 days a week for swing dancing and church. I will get to live by myself which will be fun because I can sit in my pajamas, look ugly and eat a tub of ice cream without anyone knowing - well unless I tell them. I don't know - I'm just super excited.

Making A Fool....

2009-11-19T12:28:00.000-08:00

So I made a fool of myself this past Tuesday at swing dancing.

There is this guy that I dance with who is a fabulous dancer. When I was leaving, he waves at me and says goodbye. As I raise my hand to wave goodbye - forgetting that I had my keys in that hand - my keys fall out of my hand and it flies like 5 feet away from me. Ugh! Way to make a good impression :-(

Did I mention he was cute?

New Job

2009-11-10T16:03:00.000-08:00

Last week was one of those weeks where I hope never happens again.

One of my clients was found last week Sunday in Lake Michigan and they don't know whether or not she committed suicide. It was just wierd because I saw her the last Thursday before it happened and she seemed fine. She didn't present with any signs of being suicidal. But now looking back at it, she had lost a lot of things. She lost her own apartment and had to move to a group home where she was supervised 24/7. She probably lost hope that she would be able to live on her own again due to the circumstances (she was hospitalized due to not eating for a week and not having any food in the house). Granted I didn't work with her that long but my heart breaks that she didn't see that things could get better in the future. We were working so hard for her to go to her own apartment or to move with her brother *sigh*

Oh the joys of social work - there are things to celebrate but yet there is heartache. It's always a challenge trying to find a balance.

Dancing

2009-10-12T20:36:00.000-07:00

So ever since I started swing dancing in college, I have done it off and one for years. For some reason, I really like swing dancing - especially if the guy knows what he is doing and knows how to lead well. I've always done east coast swing and now I've started to learn how to do the Lindy. It's kind of different but I like it so far - it doesn't hurt to expand the dance repertoire.

Although I do have an urge to go clubbing......I'm not sure why

Exciting

2009-10-10T01:00:00.000-07:00

So when I got a call from the Social Rehabilitation & Residential Resources stating that they wanted to offer me a job, I think I got the greatest compliment. They said that they interviewed a lot of people that had the experience they were looking for but they really liked my caring personality because it really shined through in the interview and I was - hands down - their favorite candidate. They said that they can't teach someone to be a caring personality but can always teach people the knowledge they need to do a job. Yay!

Life in General

2009-10-09T12:38:00.000-07:00

So I've realized that I haven't written a blog entry for a while so I guess it's time to catch up on what's going on in my life.

I moved from Glendale to Milwaukee. It has been an interesting transition. I go from a roommate where I met at church and hastily moved in with because I didn't want to live at home anymore to living with someone that I would consider my older brother. It's weird going from not really seeing the roommate to having random late night conversations about relationships with the current roommate where I feel like I can tell him anything and not be judged for it. I have no idea why my current roommate and I became friends because we are 2 totally different people going down 2 different paths in life (or so it seems) but we seem to just get along. I just love that.

At the end of June - it was a hectic time in my life. It didn't help going through a summer with the stressors of not having a job, taking graduate courses in a field that has interested me for a long time, as well as looking for a full time job while trying to figure out what I am supposed to be doing in my life. But as I look back at that period of my life, it has been a true blessing having some time on my hands to make new friends and deepen friendships. During that time, I've been able to witness the kindness of friends (and the Christian community when they rally around someone when they are hurting and in a tough time) that I don't know I would have experienced otherwise. I've made more female friends that I am truly thankful for since I tend to hang out with guys more.

I am in the process of transferring graduate schools so I can go into Forensic Psychology with an emphasis of forensic psychology in the community. So in the specialization, I will learn more about prevention, intervention, and consultation programs for criminal offenders in their communities as well as understand the foundations of community crime prevention and restorative justice for victims and offenders. It'll prepare me to work with crime prevention programs, early intervention youth programs, victim advocate programs, and other programs to reduce crime and recidivism. I am super excited to start that program.

I seemingly have renewed my love for photography. I seem to have gained more confidence in my abilities even though I still have a lot of growing to do as a photographer. I now have gotten a little side business going - doing weddings, engagement portraits and events. I'm excited to see where it'll take me.

But right now, I think I've finally gotten a grip on life. Things seem to be looking up for me. I just got a new job with Social Rehabilitation & Residential Resources as a Targeted Case Manager working with the mentally ill adults in Milwaukee County. I am living somewhere where I feel happy and where I feel like I can be myself.

I am just thankful for the things that have happened in my life - no matter how hard it is for me.

Dan & Lisa

2009-09-05T12:11:00.000-07:00

Thankful

2009-08-24T23:30:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I want to sit here and self pity party because I feel like things aren't going the way that I want them to or I don't feel like I matter in anyone's world. But honestly, I shouldn't because I know that I have so many things to be thankful for.

I am thankful for the fact that I am alive and relatively healthy. I live in a country where I have access to health care and I don't have to walk 10 miles just to go to a clinic. I am thankful to have a place to live - whether it be on my own or at my parents home. I am thankful to have food to eat so that I don't go hungry.

I am thankful I live in a country where I can practice my faith without being persecuted. I am also thankful that I live in a country where I am allowed to explore my interests, follow my passions and be able to travel by myself - especially being a woman.

I am thankful that I have a loving family who are there regardless of what happens, loves me for who I am now and who I will become in the future.

I am thankful for my friends. I am thankful for friends who are there if I someone to talk to - whose house/apartment provide a safe haven for me to run to when I feel like life gets extremely chaotic - who are willing to put aside plans just to be with me when I'm not in a good mood. I am thankful for the guys in my life who have become the big brothers I never had - who joke around with me - treat me like a kid sister and are willing to put with me taking out my aggressions on them.

As much as my heart my ache because I am still single and I so want to find my special someone, I am thankful to have this time to explore the world, find out who I am as a person and to pursue different passions I may have.

Life may be stressful and it may throw you curveballs but it goes on and you just have to take it one step at a time.

Seriously?

2009-08-20T12:59:00.001-07:00

Wow - what can I say.....

A guy sends me a message after seeing my profile on a dating website. In the message, he says: "I really really want an Asian woman. Do you want to hang out?" Creepy! Who says that right out of the gate to someone they don't know? Seriously that gave me the creeps for some reason and I didn't not message him back - it got deleted. Sorry but if he was looking for a quiet Asian woman to cook, clean and take care of 10 children - he is looking at the wrong woman.

I went on a job interview and I was just walking down the street. Some woman comes up to me and asks me if I spoke English. I was thinking to myself, "what?!?!?! Of course I speak English - I speak if fluently and with no accent." When I told her yes, she rambled on about some thing about how when Jesus comes back to earth, there will be no suffering and no need for places like group homes for at risk youth. Fantastic. Of course I didn't have the time to sit around and chat - I had to go to a job interview.

I was at a Kinko's today sending a fax to a potential employer. Some guy comes up to me and asks me if I worked there. Mind you - I was wearing a pink tshirt that said "Ninja Girl" on it, work out pants and flip flops. I also had my purse over my shoulder as well as my keys in my hand. Yes sir - this is what I wear to work everyday at Kinko's.

Dinner & A Movie Crew

2009-08-19T13:04:00.000-07:00

As of late, we've been hanging out together every couple of weeks and it's been tons of fun. There is always laughter, good food and fun times. I really enjoying hanging out with these people.

Rock Bottom Brewery

2009-08-16T16:38:00.000-07:00

I love hanging out with these ladies that I've know for years. I wish I saw them more but we all get busy with life and whatnot. But when we do get together, it's always a fun time - there is always a lot of laughs and fun conversations.

The Past

2009-08-13T20:03:00.000-07:00

I am annoyed that people make assumptions based on someone's past and then decide that they aren't worth being friends with because of it. Just because someone has a past and may have made some mistakes - it's in the past. You can't change the past. Sometimes people need to hit rock bottom before they realize that they need to change. As long as someone learned from whatever mistakes they've made in the past and has been able to take steps to better themselves, I applaud them.

Maybe I'm just being too nice because I am willing to give people a chance to be my friend regardless of what has happened. Maybe it's because I'm in the social work field and having seen a lot of different things, so nothing really shocks me anymore and I understand that people need others to believe in them. Whatever the reason is, I am going to give people a chance to be my friend - regardless of what has happened in the past.

Boy & Dog

2009-08-02T17:37:00.000-07:00

This is who I got to hang out with today - my cool big brother that I never had. It was tons of fun. He is someone that I feel extremely comfortable telling everything to and that I will get an honest answer or opinion. Whenever I hang out with him, I don't feel like I need to come up with anything intelligent to say - I can just hang out with him. No need for conversation - there is always a comfortable silence between us. Love him!

Harley

2009-07-26T13:18:00.000-07:00

Still can't believe that I got to ride on a Harley yesterday - with the wind blowing in my hair - it was amazing! I absolutely loved it. I loved it when we rode past all the crotch rockets and thinking to myself : "I am so cool right now cuz I'm on a Harley and you're not!"

Control

2009-07-19T16:23:00.000-07:00

I need to learn to stop worrying about stuff so much. Things will work out the way they are supposed to in its own time. Worrying about stuff is just going to make things worse in my mind than what they really are. God has it all under control and I need to give it all over to Him but yet I want to be in control.

Let's Have Fun

2009-07-17T15:55:00.000-07:00

This is the first time this group hung out - and there were so many laughs and good conversations. It was totally tons of fun - we need to do it again!

Heartache

2009-07-12T13:19:00.000-07:00

Honestly is love worth the heartache and the pain? I know it also brings joy into people's lives but right now, it has been disappointment after disappointment. I don't know if my heart can handle it. It's pathetic because I am only 25 years old and I'm questioning if love is worth it.

Where do I go?

2009-07-04T20:53:00.001-07:00

For some reason, a lot of things have been going through my mind.

As of late, I've been struggling a lot with finding my place in this world. I am unsure where I find joy – especially when it comes to employment. People say that I should go into photography because it’s something I enjoy doing. I don’t know about it because it’s something I enjoy doing but I don’t know if I want to turn it into a career. It’s an extremely competitive field and compared to other people – there is a lot of growth that needs to happen before I can be this phenomenal photographer that apparently other people think I am. Another reason I don’t want to go into photography full time is because I love working with at risk youth. Having gone to China on short term mission trips as well as working with at risk youth ever since college, they hold a special spot in my heart even though they cause me a lot of stress in life because I worry about them (but then again I worry about a lot of people). I just love making a difference. It’s just finding a balance for my love of travel, my heart for the youth and my love for photography.

I have finding out that as of late – it is very hard for me to accept help. I know that I am the type of person that if someone is hurting or in need of a good friend, I am more than willing to drop everything that is going on in my life to help that person and be there for them. I am willing to change around my schedule based on people who need help. I would definitely label myself as a giver more than a taker. I think part of it is because of my pride. I want to be able to stand my own two feet and show the world that I am this strong, confident woman who doesn’t need to depend on anyone. But then I realize that it doesn’t always work that way and I ultimately need help and as much as I would like to always depend on people to fill the need of feeling like I’m taken care of, I have to realize Jesus is the one that is there for me. He is the Ultimate Healer, the Ultimate Comforter and He is my Abba Father.

Bringing Joy Home

2009-06-23T16:01:00.001-07:00

Children are a blessing, one of life’s greatest joys. Parents, in fierce love for their children, would do anything to protect them: if sick supply healing, if threatened provide defense, if abandoned come for them. This is just what the Chung family, from New Berlin, Wisconsin, did for a child in her time of need. Though theirs is a unique story. The Chungs exhausted their resources to protect the life of a small orphan, living over 8,000 miles away, even if this little girl never came home with them or knew the price they paid to save her life.

In June, 2000, Terry, Chih, and their teenage daughters, Jennifer and Jessica Chung traveled to China on a church sponsored mission to serve at an orphanage for multi-handicapped children. Theyspent months preparing for this trip, what they’d see, how to nurture these special needs children, and ultimately, how to leave them behind. As Chinese natives, familiar with the people and culture, Terry and Chih felt equipped for their task. But when they first walked the gray halls of the orphanage, everything they prepared for fell by the wayside. They saw the maladies and deformities of the children as they walked past row after row of cribs and heard their desperate cries, frail arms reaching up, longing for human touch. The sounds, smells and sights of this place were nothing they’d ever experienced. They wept silent tears for the sheer numbers of discarded and neglected. The Chungs didn’t know where to begin or if any of their individual efforts would be of any help to the masses.

Stephanie, the group's leader, handed Chih her first child. Terry took another. They quickly warmed to the children and felt they could make a difference if only child - by - child. Over the next few days, the Chungs' found their work fulfilling, especially Jennifer, who bonded with a little girl, Tan Qiao, an abandoned newborn found a few months earlier in a train station.

Three weeks later, the Chungs returned to their “ordinary” lives in America. At home things seemed so inconsequential compared to their experiences in China (including the excitement of a two-week-old flooded basement). Exhausted from the basement cleanup, they rested and inserted their China video. One segment showed Jennifer holding Tan Qiao, the orphan that Jennifer and Jessica had already agreed to sponsor. The clip captured the delicate girl’s smile and hopeful eyes. Chih shouted, “Hold that shot!” Terry paused the tape. Tan Qiao’s cheerful face was frozen on the screen before them. Since their return from China, each family member privately held similar thoughts of adoption but remained quiet in fear of others’ reactions to such a dramatic decision. This clip, however, solidified and unified their hopes. It was in that moment that the Chungs collectively agreed to bring Tan Qiao home as an addition to their family.

They contact an adoption agency that returned an honest letter stating that a law had recently been put in place prohibiting pre-identified adoptions and their request was next to impossible. The Chungs were not deterred. “Next to impossible” still meant “possible.” The agency also informed the Chungs of Tan Qiao’s heart condition. Again, the Chungs remained optimistic. She just had a sick heart, something curable, rather than a lasting cognitive or behavioral ailment. They received this news on August 8th, the Chinese Father’s Day, and Terry viewed this as the best present ever.

The Chungs spent the next few months arranging paperwork and working out all in intricacies of this delicate process. Many details, including the location of Tan Qiao’s birth parents (a battle from the start), needed aligning before she could become the Chung’s rightful family.

Terry flew to China in November to bring medical treatment money for Tan Qiao, now in failing health. Her small, undernourished body weathered chicken pox and pneumonia with weakening defense. She was not gaining weight and her color was ashen. In a phone conversation with Chih, Terry said, “Something’s really wrong here.” Chih assured him that everything was going to be fine. Terry wasn’t so sure.

Just before Christmas the Chungs received alarming news. Tan Qiao was gravely ill. She was diagnosed with Ventricular Septal Defect (VSD), which menat she had a hole in her heart, and it was big: 1.2 cm long and 1.6 cm wide. Even if she did survive the procedure, she would still face a harrowing recovery. The Chungs were only her sponsors, yet the closest Tan Qiao had to parents, and since they were willing to finance her hospitalization, the final decision to operate was theirs. They wondered if they could live with themselves if anything happened to this child because of their interference.

They had their decision. Tan Qiao had been abandoned once and the Chungs vowed she would never be abandoned again. Chih and Terry agreed to live in separate countries for the next few months and if necessary exhaust their bank accounts (which meant tapping into Jennifer's college fund to pay for any required medical procedures). All this and they still faced the real possibility that, even if Tan Qiao survived the operation, she may never come home to American with them. Despite this reality, the Chungs believed that if it was God's will to be used as agents to save a little girls life who might otherwise have never had a chance, then their efforts were not in vain.

In a Christmas letter to family and friends Terry wrote, "Through Tan Qiao's fight, we learn the true value of life. Through our trials, God lets use know His mercy and love." The Chungs chose to trust God and put their personal agendas aside. It was at this time, they changed Tan Qiaos name to Joy.

The American troops were mobilized. The Chungs home church started raising money, Jennifer and Jessica spread the word to family and friends, Chih's bible study fasted and prepared meals for the Chungs, even local News Stations were contacted for story coverage. God was bringing together a community for the sake of His one precious lamb.

A few days after the New Year, Terry returned to China for Joy’s catheter surgery. In the five nights Terry was with Joy before surgery, he slept a total of ten hours. He spared his “future daughter,” as he referred to her, nothing of his attention and love. Terry sensed her trust for him returning. She was so small, nine months old, and only weighed 11 pounds.

This surgery was a success. Though at one point, when Joy started to bleed and numerous medical personnel came running and hovered over her, Terry felt his strings pulled tight. In a few days she would undergo the critical surgery to repair her heart. He wondered if he could take much more. For distraction, he ran to the bank, shopped and arranged a room for Chih and Joy to stay over the coming months. That night Joy slept alone. She slept well and for the first time smiled in her sleep.

Four days later, Terry was with Joy, holding her hand making eye contact with her, (her seeming to tell him "thank you daddy") just before she was wheeled into the operating room. As she looked back at him over the nurse's shoulder, he prayed that he would have the chance to see those bright eyes again.

This time she emerged from surgery asleep. It would be several days before anyone would know if this operation was a success.

Terry visited Joy in ICU two days later. Her face was turned from him but when she turned back and saw Terry, she cast a genuine smile. It was a memory that would be etched in Terry’s mind for the rest of his life. Joy was going to make it.

Joy spent the following two months in Chih’s care. They resided in a small hospital room, the only amenities a pull-out bed, a tiny refrigerator and an inoperative cook-top. Without transportation, no one to visit and no place to go, these were the walls that held them 24/7. All the while the Chungs never lost faith and prayed continually for strength and guidance. Within this time, Joy gained 4 pounds and grew 1.5 inches.

Their faith was tested however when in late March they learned of Joy’s stalled paperwork, held hostage in the Chinese Adoption System. Terry traveled to China again, prepared to do whatever it took to assure Joy’s homecoming. But again he faced the insurmountable task of getting to the bottom of the needless delays and broken promises.

Heartbreaking news arrived April 19th. Upon the Chungs desperate prompting not to have Joy returned to the orphanage, foster parents were located and willing to take Joy into their care indefinitely. The thousands the Chung’s paid, the energies and prayers that were sent on Joy’s behalf had come to this. This was a hopeful yet devastating event. Joy would be assured a safe place far from her grim beginnings, but she would not come home with the Chungs. Their hearts broke and they wanted to continue in their efforts to claim their daughter, but they finally felt a crumpling of their own resolve and a yielding to God’s higher ways. Adopting Joy was their plan, but maybe God’s plan was simple obedience in coming to the aid of “the least of these.” They had done their part and had been faithful. It was enough. They allowed the agency to go ahead with the foster care.

However, God had different plans. Just five days later, the Chung’s agent received a referral with Joy’s name on it. Terry was wary, and if he hadn’t still been in China, and hadn’t seen for himself her name and accompanying picture on the document, he would never have believed it. This confirmation arrived just in time to stop the foster care arrangement. Immediately, Terry called Chih back in the States, where it was the middle of the night, woke her from sleep and yelled into the phone, “We have her! We have her!” Chih remembers getting up from bed that night and kneeling on the floor, crying out in gratitude to God. “Father, you never left us nor forsaken us. Thank you.”

E-mails of triumph swam across the lines, phone’s lit up, friends and family eagerly embraced each other, and hands clasped together in prayers of thankfulness for God’s provision.

On June 4, 2001, Joy arrived in America with her proud parents. Just as they stepped off the plane, they were greeted with a warm reception, complete with News Station cameras. What followed was a scene only God could have orchestrated. Bright camera lights flashed, and smiles of a community of believers who shared in the Chung’s hope to bring a family together illuminated the room. There was also a special glow in heaven. A small but precious lamb, Joy, was finally home.

Favorite Couples

2009-06-20T12:02:00.000-07:00

Every time I hang out with my favorite married couple as well as my favorite engaged couple - I am reminded how much I miss them and how far we've come in life since our college years. I can still remember when we were still in college - going to class, hanging out and just having fun. But nowadays we've gone our separate ways - being married, buying the house, having careers, trying to figure out who we are (well more so on my part anyway). It is nice to know that there are people who I feel totally comfortable being myself - where they don't make me feel weird for being single - who I can totally honest with - where I don't feel like I'll be judged. I love how we talk about just about anything and we can laugh about it - that we just pick up where we left off. I always wish I had more time to spend with them but not being able to hang out with them makes me treasure the time we do spend together so much more. I truely appreciate their friendship and will treasure it always.

Busy!

2009-06-02T15:20:00.001-07:00

It feels like so many things have been going on that I don't know where to start.....

My sister graduated from UW-Madison on May 17. The graduation was huge and the commissioner from the Major League Baseball was there. It was kind of cool and it was like a zoo.

I've decided to start working out - to get into shape and hopefully lose a little weight. I signed up for a fitness boot camp not really knowing what I was getting myself into (mind you it is 4 times a week for a month at 5:30 in the morning for an hour). The first week was brutal - it felt like I couldn't walk which kind of sucked. But now I'm on my third week and I can say that I can job a mile without stopping now - which is amazing considering where I was even 2 weeks ago. I think this working out thing is growing on me.

Friendships still have it's ups and downs. There is always ongoing issues that need to be worked out but I'm slowly finding myself more willing to work through issues so that I am able to be more honest with friends. Being able to be open has always been an issue with me because I don't want to get hurt but yet I am finding that there are friends who challenge me to be more honest with people. So we'll see what happens.

Fun Hang Out

2009-05-17T18:22:00.000-07:00

Roller Coaster

2009-04-22T15:31:00.000-07:00

Things seem to have gotten back on track. It's been a while since I can say that I am doing really good and I'm finally back at that spot. My life seemed to be a roller coaster ride for some reason. I think it's been a combination a whole lot of things.

I know a part of it was because of my friend that moved to LA leaving before I could say goodbye. But I was able to say goodbye when I was at a wedding a couple weeks ago so the problem is solved. I think it's been a good thing though that we walk almost everyday. I think it's brought our friendship closer. In my life, developing a deeper friendship with people is something I always crave doing - getting to really know the person, what they are passionate about, what makes them get out of bed every morning to make an impact in the world. It's kind of sad though that I can count on one hand how many people I am really close to. I just think for myself, it's hard to let people in because I don't want to get hurt so I put up a front. Someone compared me to an M&M, hard on the outside, "soft" on the inside (meaning I may have a tough exterior but really, I have a good heart and compassionate - which is true).

I think another part of it was work. Just getting back into the swing of things was really hard, especially after a week of vacation - which was definately too short. Just getting back into the swing of things was rough but things seemed to have settled down.

I was also getting to the point with some friendships where I just wanted to stop caring so much about people, bending over backwards for them and trying to see the best in them. I was at the point where I didn't think it was worth it anymore because all that happens is that I get hurt from it. I told this to a friend and he told me that us humans do it all the time to God. What we do in life, all the sin that is in our lives hurt Him but He still loves us nonetheless (Gotta love friends who reframe things for me). Anyways, after thinking things over, I realized that there are just some friendships that I need to approach differently that I usually would. I can still care for people, want them to be happy but I just have to readjust how I approach different friendships. And with some people, all I can say is that I tried to help them out but it's really up to them to either accept the help or leave it.

Yesterday was a fun day at work. Someone in my department just picked up and quit yesterday with no warning - and that is only after being back at work for like one day and was after being on vacation for a week. No two week notice, no nothing. It was really wierd and I have no idea what happened. I totally understand why people quit because in the field I work in, it's an extremely hard field - working with families who have children who have mental health and/or behavioral issues. Social work is hard. But the think that irks me is that this person had a caseload of fourteen clients/families and they left - like they wanted to get away like this company was the plague or something. Just picking up and leaving with no warning - in my opinion is unacceptable. To leave the families hanging like that - with no good byes, no closure, no transition time between case managers - it is not cool. And just leaving like that creates a lot of work for everyone in the department because that means more clients on their caseload, more paperwork, more meetings - just more work overall. It's just good practice to give a two week notice to your employer because what if in the long run, what if you want to apply to that company again or what if your old boss is your new boss elsewhere down the line? *Shrug* I'm not going to dwell on it much.

I'm doing good.

Yay!

2009-04-13T15:32:00.000-07:00

This was taken at a wedding we were both at over Easter weekend. He moved to LA in March to work for the LAPD. It was good to see him because I wasn't able to say goodbye when he left (he was on vacation the week before I went on vacation. He left the day I was coming back from Europe). It was nice to see him and finally get some closure. It made me happy to see him and talk instead of talking on the phone.

I cherish this friendship.

Struggles

2009-03-25T15:36:00.000-07:00

I am in a wierd funk right now and I don't know why.

Sometimes I feel like since I am 25 years old who is a college graduate, I should have my life figured out and life should be peachy keen. But the thing is, it's not. I don't know - still - what I want to do with my life. Do I want to go to law school, become a nurse or go into special education? Honestly, I don't know. I'm just working now to pay the bills and to try to enjoy life. I feel like people look at me and think I've got life all figured out because I seem to have all these grand plans but I really don't and it's bothering me. Although it may seem like it, I feel like I don't have all my ducks in a row.

Really, is it that hard to follow through with what you tell me that you're going to do? Honestly, I don't think it's that hard to call me when you say you're going to call me.

Honestly, what do guys want in a relationship? And really, what is wrong with me? Sometimes I think that I'm just too independent, have a big heart that people just eventually tend to walk all over because they know that I'll do anything for them, has a love for photography, travel and good food and has a heart for the underprivileged in the world. How does that ever fit into what a guy wants in a girl? I found out a while ago that one of my good guy friends from college got engaged to a wonderful gal. I am super excited for them. But someone can't help but feel a twinge of hurt. You can't help but think "When will EVER be my turn?" And yes I've heard it a million times, relationships will happen when you aren't looking for it...blah blah blah!

I don't know. I'm just in a wierd funk right now. Not in the mood to talk to anyone and I don't really want to deal with anything.

When will I ever be content with how things are currently?

Dating

2009-03-13T15:38:00.000-07:00

On occasion, I've always wondered why I've had this fear of committing to a dating relationship and why I would much rather keep people at a distance. I just think that I'm afriad that people aren't going to like what they see when they get close and really get to know me. I've been told by people that I have this certain confidence in myself - especially when it comes to being independent and not needing to rely on a guy to provide for whatever I need, I'm not exactly actively seeking a relationship and I have a tendency to friend zone a guy when I meet them within an extremely short time. Though sometimes I wonder if I'm too pick or I come off as too independent and it's totally working against me. All I have to say is that I do appreciate people who are able to be patient with me, who are able to accept me when I do let people get a tiny glimpse into the world of me.